23 REASON NOT TURNING UP AT WORK

It's an interesting article I got from Motherhood magazine January 2008 by Hana Schoon.

23 REASON NOT TURNING UP AT WORK

1) I can't get out. My FIL took the keys and accidentally locked me at home.
2) I spent the whole night talking to my baby and now my MIL thinks I'm crazy and is packing me to see the doctor.
3) My huge stomach doesn't allow me to drive and I cant get a cab.
4) I spent the weekend moving into my new house and this morning I cant find my work clothes.I can't find anything
that fits.Overnight my belly took on bazooka proportions and even my underwear tore.
5) Baby refuses to let me go to work.
6) I'm too nauseous to do anything.
7) My bowels are refusing to move. It's too painful to get up from the bathroom.
8) I cant take the smell of everyone eating around me. I feel like throwing up and and stayed home to save you the trouble of cleaning up after me.
9) My calves are the size of papayas and i feel too cramped to move.
10) I got lost on the way to work.i took the wrong bus and ended up at the other end of the island.
11) I think i'm suffering from a severe bout of pregnancy-amnesia.
12) My son peed on me as i was changing his diapers. I went to change my shirt and ended up spilling coffee all over the new shirt.The dog chewed up my shoes. on the way down, a black cat ran acrossmy path and i broke my heel. It's a day of pure bad luck and i shouldnt bring it to the office least i jinx the whole network down.
13) My son is sick he is coughing violently and i fear he may cough his lungs out.
14) My son poo-pooed on his diapers and the poo leaked as he scampered all over the house and now i have a shit-load to clean up.
15) What! you mean it's Monday already!i'm sorry i didnt even realise the weekend was over (grab this chance to rattle on...) sorry boss, i had such a tiring night of crying and diapers that i cudnt wake up and think (sneeze for some good measures)...im going to fall sick with a cold.
16) I am training a genius baby and he refuses to suffer fools.
17) I'm sorry i cant come because my daughter is sick.My son is howling away (hold the phone near for soun effect), my MIL is breathing down my neck and my maid ran away (actually she might have gone to the grocery shopping but dont mention that).
18) It's raining and i feel depressed.a depressed worker is not a productive worker and it's not good for baby to feel dpressed when he isnt even out yet.for the sake of the rest of your employees, i'll come tomorrow.
19) I am too disoriented by the sudden heat wave to be able to find my way to the office
20) The office is full of smart people doing stupid things and i refuse to let my baby be part of that today.
21) Nobody brought cake today and the cafeteria cofee sucks.
22) My cat died. and so did my pet mouse. i think the cat ate her up and fell sick till it died and i have to hurry them before anthing else in my house dies too.
23) The postnatal blues took their time setting in and i'm afraid i wont be productive enough to get any work done. or worse, infect everyone at the office with a case of the blues so severe they'd need to stay home too.


What's your reason?? :-)